If she thinks his music is worthwhile and something that he should pursue, then that changes the whole decision process. I don't think any of us can know enough to say that he wants to break up with you, let alone that he doesn't yet know he wants to break up with you, but we do. Or he could simply be afraid of the "Real World" lurking just past the thesis defense and thinks this is going to be his last chance to really slack off, both in terms of a relationship and his activities. Who knows, maybe he doesn't realize how you're reading this situation the few true artists I've ever been fortunate enough to know have been incredibly passionate about their art, to the point that it really does "blind" them somewhat to the people in their lives , maybe sitting down and talking openly about it will help to alleviate your concerns. On the last point, I think you need to really consider how his hoped-for change in career path has affected your perception of him as a long-term partner. Furthermore, the "wouldn't be fair to you," is a cop-out designed to make the person doing the asshole thing like a saint for being concerned about your feelings. I need the networking in order to get more gallery shows and letters of recommendation for grants and programs.
It is justified, his actions are not. It seems to me like your options right now are break up and have no boyfriend or stay together and have a crappy one who doesn't value you or what you have together enough to put it high on his list. Can a man not have creative interests and take them seriously? If instead of being a grad student when you met him he was a musician living in a loft who made music all the time, and you said "Move in with me! One partner will often work overseas for a year or more, while the other partner maintains the home back in the home country, and nobody really questions that.
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